Gravity

Six weeks. The realization of this short amount of time is starting to weigh on me, much like my luggage will after I have packed what is left of my life in Indonesia in order to return to the states. The doubts that accompany that realization are also starting to weigh on me. As I listened to some of my students struggle through their verbal mid term exam, questions began filling my head. What could I have done better? How could I have helped them to learn more? O God...have they learned anything!?! It's evident from their willingness to please and their apparent happiness that they enjoy my classes- but have they actually improved their English? Sure, this year has helped me to lengthen my resumes-my professional resume with all of the spare time I have had to volunteer, guest lecture, and speak at various events, not to mention that I get to add "Fulbright Recipient" under scholarships and awards- and my travel resume with all of the time I have spent on vacation- but, have my personal gains contributed to my student's understanding of English?

A few weeks ago I held an English competition at my school- the WORDS competition was started by past ETA's to showcase their student's talents and promote English- and fifteen of my students were brave enough to come out and compete. For most of them it was their first competition and as such their performances were a little rough; but, they still left me beaming like a soccer Mom at her kid's first game. Several of the students who signed up to participate did not come to compete, and a little curious, I asked one of the students what had happened. "There was no information Miss" was the reply I was given. The sinking feeling in my stomach accompanied the realization that I had forgotten two of my students. I distinctly remembered telling this student when and where the competition would be held; but, had she misunderstood me? Obviously. In my obsessive planning of the event I had made the ultimate mistake- I had forgotten my kid's first soccer game, I hadn't even given them a shot at victory. My profound apologies were met with a sweet "it's okay Miss," but I still felt like a horrible teacher.

All I can hope is that after I'm gone my mistakes will be forgotten and I will be immortalized as the beautiful, sometimes crazy teacher from America. I must realize that I am not going to change the world, but that maybe... just maybe I will impact some of my students positively. I must learn to forgive myself and leave the extra baggage of guilt and doubt behind- my luggage will inevitably be heavy enough as it is.

All of the participants minus the winner of the competition, along with Ibu Hadijah and Pak John.

Participants and judges- Lala, the winner (in all white-center), performed traditional story telling.